Last week I sat down to do some blogging. I was looking at my site and stumbled upon the Running Myself to 13.1 page. Yes, the page that I created.
On that page there is a 13.1 training schedule. Yes, the one that I created.
Looking through the schedule, I said to myself, “Holy crap. I forgot I’m supposed to be following this training plan.”
Ultimately, I forgot I’m supposed to be training for a half marathon.
At that moment, I had a momentary, internal freak out as I looked at my schedule for the week and realized I had something to do every night of the week.
“How the heck am I going to get these workouts in?!” my internal battle continued.
Then, I took a pause. Instead of obsessing over what I needed to get done and how I had failed, I said to myself, “Eh. It’ll get done. Every half marathon journey is different.”
The Power in the Pause
The old Maria would’ve found herself in a downward spiral after realizing she had failed at something.
The new Maria is practicing taking pauses and not letting her emotions dictate how she reacts.
I’m listening to the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Branch. It’s a Buddhist book, and while I’m a devout Catholic and not Buddhist, there are some strong and powerful nuggets of knowledge that are helping me as I work through finding peace and accepting who I am.
As you may know from reading this post, the end of last year was a difficult period for me. I battled with depression and anxiety after a hamstring injury that had me out of running for about 4 months. It was during that time that not only was I feeling a lot of mental pain, I lost a lot of confidence in myself, as well. I had placed my identity in being a runner.
I’m on the upswing now, but still working through what it means to love me for who I am. Not what I look like. Not what my body can do. But me, as a living-breathing-amazing, human being.
So, accepting that I completely failed at my training for this half-marathon the past few weeks is a huge step for me.
I’m also learning what it means to love my body.
As you may know, when you get older your body changes. And your metabolism changes. During that period of not running, my body changed. That is, I gained weight.
Yeah, I freaked out. Yeah, it hurt my self esteem.
But now I’m learning that my weight does not define who I am. Not in the least. Beauty comes from within. And that beauty shines through.
Acceptance in Its Entirety
So, embarking on this new journey to love myself, and realizing that there are a lot of things I’m dropping the ball on because, believe it or not, I’m not a machine who can attain perfection, has been an eye opening experience.
I’m so freaking happy.
I’m less critical of myself and of others.
I’m more present.
I’m less judgmental.
I’m blessed and just plain grateful to be alive.
I’ve also been humbled.
Over the past week, I got what is called “pink eye.” Google it. I dare you.
It’s not fun. It’s disgusting. And it means I can’t wear makeup. A lot of people don’t wear
makeup and you don’t need makeup to be beautiful. I wore makeup every day because it made me feel better about myself.
Since this bout of “pink eye,” I haven’t been able to wear makeup and it’s been the best thing to happen to me. It’s forced me to look at myself and say, “You are beautiful. Just as you are. Just as God created you.” And from there, confidence springs forth.
You Can Do It Too
Practice self-acceptance this week. Truly, truly loving you for who you are. Not what you look like or what you do or all of those other things in life we attribute self-worth.
It begins with positive self-talk. It begins with telling yourself you’re worth it. That you don’t have to be perfect. That you, all of you, is enough.