*Disclaimer: Some elements in this post may be triggering to those in eating disorder recovery. Please read with caution, and if you are struggling, remember, you can seek help.*
We took a little break over here at RunningMyselfTogether (and when I say “we,” I mean me, Maria), because everyone needs a little mental break, plus we’ve been working on some really cool things. But we’re back in action, and starting off this new season of life with a very touching and empowering story.
Meet Briana. She faced struggles, like we all do, and worked through them with grace and dignity. She relied on her faith and on God, and she’s overcome so much. Read her story and let’s all do a happy dance for her and her success!
Do you have a story of recovery triumph to share? Reach out to me: maria@runningmyselftogether.com.
My whole life I never felt beautiful. I would look in a mirror and feel so ugly. And when I was a freshman in high school, I was named “The Ugliest Girl in the Freshman Class.” But things changed in September 2008.
Things Began To Change
During my sophomore year at the University of Connecticut, I had a new roommate who would go home every weekend and bring back a lot of food. I was taking some difficult classes that semester, and was extremely stressed. And when I was stressed, I would eat. By the end of the first semester not only was I very depressed, I had also gained weight.
But when I came home that semester, everyone talked about my body. My mother thought I should go to a doctor and to ask if the weight I’d gained was unhealthy. People poked fun at me saying I was getting a little “tubby.” I took all of the comments very personally. I was extremely hurt and that night not only was I determined to lose the weight, but I was determined to come back to Syracuse, New York as a new person.
That decision was the beginning of a voice developing in my head. A voice that began to control every move I made. A voice that controlled my self-worth.
When ED Began to Talk
I began listening to that voice in my head, which lead me to cut calories, over-exercise, and weigh myself over and over again every day. I began to lose weight quickly and I felt that I was becoming the person I always thought I should be. And the voice in my head was pleased with me for this. But as you would imagine, I began to have some serious health problems. I started getting heart palpitations during the night that scared me to death. I began to look emaciated. I was always cold. And my hair began to fall out in chucks.
I received compliments for the weight loss. People constantly asked how I did it, and I would always give them the same response, “Just a simple diet.” I LOVED the attention I was getting. My mother was quite worried, but I didn’t care. The voice inside my head told me I needed to lose more weight. I listened to that voice for two years and I became more involved in the dark world that I was living in.
The Turning Point
By the time I came home for winter break my senior year, my mom looked at me and started to cry. My family pulled me 
aside and begged me to get help. I absolutely refused and went back to school. My mother called me on the way to school and said if I didn’t get help, she was going to pull me out of school. I didn’t know what to do. Everyone was telling me I had a problem, yet the voice inside my head was saying that I still needed to lose more weight. I began to cry for the first time in so long, because all my emotions hit at once.
I said a deep prayer to God that night and I put on the Rascal Flatts song called I’m Movin On. The lyrics of the song hit me like a ton of bricks-
I‘m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.
That song help me realize that something was wrong with me. I’m wasting my life away. After reading a scripture in my Bible, I knew I needed help. I played this song on repeat the whole night.
The next day, I went to UCONN Mental Health Services to get professional help and I was diagnosed with Anorexia.
And There Is Always Hope
I went to Intensive Outpatient treatment at the University of Connecticut where I had to confront my biggest fears. My therapist gave me an assignment where I had to list ten things I loved about myself. That assignment was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had to finally confront that little girl in me and finally find something beautiful. For the first time, I had to look in myself and love myself.
I am 28 years old and I am a dedicated Jehovah’s Witnesses. It has been seven years since treatment and I feel really happy. There are times that I get down or may listen that voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough, but instead I’ve learned to turn those voices off.
