Advice From a Mom With a Child Who Has Struggled With Anxiety

Y’all. I asked my mom for advice when dealing with children who have anxiety and depression and she dropped the BEST advice. So, if you’ve been searching for answers, or guidance, or just plain want to feel like you’re not alone… here is some advice from my sweet, holy momma.

Before we dive in, we need to preface this whole post by saying we are not doctors or therapists or licensed professionals. This is advice from personal experience, so take this as just what it is – personal advice – and if you need additional advice, reach out to a trusted professional.

And in case you don’t know who my mom is, she’s worked with me since I was a little girl in overcoming anxiety and depression. She’s also worked with other siblings of mine and loved ones throughout this mental health journey. She does not experience these things, so she has had to learn and read and experience A LOT in walking us through our journeys.

(My mom wrote her own disclaimer, as well, and I wanted to keep it, because I thought it was a perfect finish. It’s below.)

Advice from a Mom (aka my mom)

Please keep in mind that I am not a professional.  A highly recommended professional with a background in working with individuals struggling with anxiety is important to have for your child.  

What I’m about to say next is a big part of the answers to all of the questions below:

Parents will have to be in constant prayer while helping their precious child through this difficult time.  The Lord will be with you each step of the way.  He will guide you, hold you when you need it, and love you each and every minute.  He will provide the grace to get you through this.  Please try to look for His loving plan during this time in your life.  Something good will eventually come from all of this. Perhaps, it will be a closer relationship with the Lord, a newfound strength within you, or you might someday find yourself helping another parent facing these same struggles.  

Q: How does a parent initially address such a sensitive subject with their son/daughter?

A: Children struggling with anxiety is, unfortunately, very common in our society. These children oftentimes feel like they are strange and that they should keep these feelings to themselves.  Parents can help by talking about how there are many children living with the same feelings as they are, and it’s okay to be open and honest about what is going on inside of them. 

Q: How does a parent come to understand the thoughts and feelings of their loved one?

A: It takes time and sometimes it isn’t possible to fully understand what they are going through. So, please don’t feel like you are inadequate as a parent if you don’t fully understand. Try to read as much as you can and talk to others that have been through this with their child.

Q: What can a parent say to help their child?

A: Here are some things to say to help a child with anxiety.

•  “I’m always here if you need to talk.”
• “Your fears/worries/triggers are not silly.”
• “Let’s sort through this together.”
• “How can I help.”
• “I love you.”

Things not to say to a child with anxiety.

• “Calm down.”
• “It’s all in your head.”
• “It’s really not a big deal.”
• “Everything will be fine.”
• “I know how you feel.”
• “Other people are suffering from much worse conditions.”

Some things a parent can do to help a child that is experiencing heightened anxiety include the following: encourage the child to take long deep breaths, have the child visual himself/herself calm, encourage the child to relax his/her body, help the child to change his/her focus. 

Q: How does a parent support his or her child without necessarily telling them what to do?

A: Sometimes a child in a heightened state of anxiety needs you to just be there for them and listen.  It will take some time for you, as the parent, to understand when to be silent and listen, and when to give loving advice.  

Praying for direction is crucial.

Q: Having a family member with anxiety and depression can be overwhelming.  How do you handle it?  

A: The first thing that I must express to parents is that you should not take any harsh words coming from your child personally.  You are doing the best that you can do through the grace of God.  Also, the child will most often feel remorseful at some point in time.

(Maria’s note: Yes. Once the panic or cloudiness from depression has worn off, we do understand what we’ve said or done. This might not be the case for every individual, but I personally understand what I’ve said in a heightened state and do my best to reconcile the situation once I’ve calmed down.)

I encourage you to draw close to a family member or a dear friend.  This person should be someone that is good at listening and will be a prayer warrior for you and your child.

Q: How does a parent listen and validate emotions while still pointing to Christ, specifically with teens?

A: Parents should be in deep personal prayer when facing this situation.  There are a couple of factors here to consider.  If your teen is in a heightened state of anxiety, then they may not be able to look to Christ under these circumstances.  They might not be able to calm themselves down enough to lean on the Lord.  The other factor to consider is that if your teen doesn’t already have a personal relationship with the Lord then it may be difficult to get them to be receptive under these circumstances.  Pray for the Lord’s direction. 

Q: How to support someone who has anxiety but won’t go to the doctor?

A: Continue to be supportive by listening to them and praying for them.  Gently encourage them to see a doctor.  

Q: When is the right time to push vs. let go?

(Always seek professional help if you feel that the individual is at risk of harming them self.)

A: This question is difficult to answer because there are so many factors in each person’s situation.     

Pray for direction.

Q: How do you support/empathize without getting so consumed by it that it affects you day to day?

A: As the support person, you have to do whatever you need to keep your own anxiety in check.  Be sure to spend a lot of time with the Lord.  Confide in a dear friend or family member.  Continue with hobbies and activities that you like and will help to keep you calm.

Q: How do you deal with a loved one with mental health issues who is dumping their negativities/burdens on you?

A: Be sure to surround yourself with people that are positive to counteract the effect of the negativity coming from your loved one.  This can be done while still being a support to the individual with the mental health issues.  Look to the Lord for the joy you need in your day.

Encourage your loved one to keep a gratitude journal.  It can be as simple as writing down three things that he/she is grateful for that day.

Q: How much space is too much/not enough?

A: This question is difficult to answer because there are so many factors in each person’s situation.     

Pray for direction.

We so hope this was helpful. Of course, we don’t have all of the answers, but we figured this was a start. We often talk about rallying around the one who is suffering, but we cannot forget those who serve the suffering. If you have more questions, comment below, or email me (Maria) at maria@runningmyselftogether.com and my mom and I will work to support you and get you the answers you’re looking for.

God Bless you and your family. We ask for peace and joy in your life through Our Lord, Jesus Christ, and we lift you up to Mary, Our Mother who will bring you and your prayers to Jesus.

Love,

Maria and Wendy